How should I take it?

I think only here, I am able to write my heart out.
Sometimes it pretty sad when you have so many friends out there but you are not able to open up your hearts to them.
Its even more miserable when you cant spill out to your family members or your loves one as you know what will be their reaction and they will not understand what you are facing.
No one understands you better than yourself.

I am here on 2nd day of 2015.
Everyone has been putting up wishing in Facebook, Instagram or though Whatsapp with pictures and hoping everyone has a great year a head.
Of coz I do, how can I not follow the trend?

But, will my 2015 year be a good year?

I am great that my love one got promoted.
The promotion is very important to him for his career, his life and for his family.
He has the responsibility to take care his family.
He is not as fortune as me or anyone else out there where their parents has the capability in earning greater income.
He is not as fortune as me or anyone else out there having a life with no financial worries.
Other than in financial, he moves a big step forward in his career.

Yes, he got promoted to be HOD of solution department in my company.
So, Which department am I? I am in Solution department.
Which mean I will be under him?? -- Well, yes, I'm now working under his leading.

How would you take it if your boyfriend has now becoming your leader/HOD in the department? Can you take it? Can conflicts between relationship and work be clearly separated by a solid line?

Honestly, I could not take it after knowing he will be my HOD.
When I want to apply leave, I go to him, that is weird. Should i inform him before hand or should i only inform him when i hand in my application leave form?

When go through appraisal stage, I will be having an interview with him, that is weird. When your HOD talk to you about your appraisal is when you start bullshitting bit on your next goal and he rate you as per our working performance. How am I going to answer?

When I get my bonus, I collect from him, that is weird. He knows how much I received.

When I got increment in my salary, I get offer letter from him, that is weird. He is going to write my appraisal, how should I take it?

When everyone knows our relationship, how should we react at work place? totally ignore and take him as only HOD?

In office, he is my HOD. After work, he is my bf. That is weird too?

How am I suppse to be neutral? How am I suppose show my happiness with his promotion when i foresee some problems will happened in future?

Feeling isn't a switch where you can switch to work mode and relationship mode easily.

He doesn't see it as a problem or rather he has a solution on how to handle it?

Who can help me through? Sigh. He doesn't seems to know what I am worrying.

I can't even show my worry on my face in front of him.

Life, because of ego, its hard sometimes.


最不想发生的还是会发生。
人真的矛盾。
太执着于一些事情到最后伤心，累的， 心痛的还是自己。
我也不明白为什么我那么不想去接受他成为我的上司。
因为会有争执；因为会心理不平衡；因为会公私不分？
因为我嫉妒？

我也知道，即使我再不开心，即使我再不愿意， 我还是得接受。
现在的我，是有着两种心情去。
为他开心， 为自己伤心。
现在的我，是有着两面。
表面开心，心底心痛。

有如我一位朋友说的，你爱他，你不想失去他，你就要去接受事实。

为什么要这样的折磨我？ 为什么要让我觉得委屈？

为什么是我去配合他？为什么任何事情都是我？