Wednesday, July 22, 2015

不要太介意,不要太在乎。 
不要把事情看得太严重。 
你有你的生活节奏,不要让他的态度影响你的心情。
因为你的快乐是你自己的责任。 

过度地在意,只会苦了自己,那又何必呢。 
与其花时间和心思讨好他,不如把时间放在自己的身上。
比如读些书,参加活动增值自己的知识和地位。 
从工作上得到满足感,那会更值得。 

啊,这一点我还需要好好地学习。 

Monday, July 20, 2015

两年了

转眼间,我们已经一起两年了。 
虽然比起那鞋已经三五十年的,我们的两年比不上什么。
但是,这两年,来得不易啊。 

看了一本书 "Men from Mars, Women from Venus"。
这本书是讲述男人女人之间该如何相处。 
有的内容,真的把我所体验的描述得真好。 

有一句 : Whether you share your feelings in a letter or you write a letter to feel better, writing down your feeling is essential tool.
把心情的困扰写下来,真的会好很多。要不然, 很多人都不会有写日记的习惯。 

和你走过来的日子, 真的不容易。 
你的心情,忽然间越来越难抓摸,他瞬间的变成另一个人。
是我依然沉醉在我们那时的甜蜜中,还是你已经厌倦了那时的热恋? 

你说:
我不是那种善于表达自己感情的人。
我不是那种很会关心女友的人。
我不是那种浪漫的人。 
我不是。。。
*靠,为什么突然间那么多我不是呢?不浪漫,那你又送花给前女友?

听着听着,真的很想骂一句,废话。 你在给你自己找借口吗?! 
为什么一年前的你,和现在的你相差那么多呢? (其实答案我都知道,只是不愿意接受)

渐渐的我开始不会拿捏你的心情。 
你说,要相信你,不然我们再走下去也没意思。
我可以相信你,可是你必须给我一个肯定,一个认同让我对你对我们的感情有信心。
可是你就是那么的自私,不愿再付出一点点。 

你是知道我这几个月,有多么的不开心和难受。 
可是你就不愿做一点点的表示来安抚我的忧虑。 
就因为这样,我就自己寻找我要的那份满足感。
向你要着要着,你变的更反感了吧。
你的冷酷让我不知道给如何去反应。 

啊,朋友都说,你的快乐不是他的责任。 
我必须为自己寻找快乐,我必须不把重心放在你身上。 
这样是为我自己留一条后路,让我自己快乐些。 
可是亲爱的,你知道吗,我们的感情生病了。
不要忽视了好吗?



Monday, January 19, 2015

Why should i be the one?

how should one be fine and act as normal when it is really hard to pretend?

how should the work be continue when one is having difficulty on taking the partner's position?

how should this be continue when thing is getting uneasy?


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Unhealthy

By all means, the day we started, its already an unhealthy thing for a working environment.

As the day we accept each other, I should have know and clearly know changes will come along the years.

I should have prepare myself before it happens.

I should have aware before it happens.

You should have wake up by now, thing will not change anymore and you should be accepting the fact by now.

Friday, January 2, 2015

How should I take it?

I think only here, I am able to write my heart out.
Sometimes it pretty sad when you have so many friends out there but you are not able to open up your hearts to them.
Its even more miserable when you cant spill out to your family members or your loves one as you know what will be their reaction and they will not understand what you are facing.
No one understands you better than yourself.

I am here on 2nd day of 2015.
Everyone has been putting up wishing in Facebook, Instagram or though Whatsapp with pictures and hoping everyone has a great year a head.
Of coz I do, how can I not follow the trend?

But, will my 2015 year be a good year?

I am great that my love one got promoted.
The promotion is very important to him for his career, his life and for his family.
He has the responsibility to take care his family.
He is not as fortune as me or anyone else out there where their parents has the capability in earning greater income.
He is not as fortune as me or anyone else out there having a life with no financial worries.
Other than in financial, he moves a big step forward in his career.

Yes, he got promoted to be HOD of solution department in my company.
So, Which department am I? I am in Solution department.
Which mean I will be under him?? -- Well, yes, I'm now working under his leading.

How would you take it if your boyfriend has now becoming your leader/HOD in the department? Can you take it? Can conflicts between relationship and work be clearly separated by a solid line?

Honestly, I could not take it after knowing he will be my HOD.
When I want to apply leave, I go to him, that is weird. Should i inform him before hand or should i only inform him when i hand in my application leave form?

When go through appraisal stage, I will be having an interview with him, that is weird. When your HOD talk to you about your appraisal is when you start bullshitting bit on your next goal and he rate you as per our working performance. How am I going to answer?

When I get my bonus, I collect from him, that is weird. He knows how much I received.

When I got increment in my salary, I get offer letter from him, that is weird. He is going to write my appraisal, how should I take it?

When everyone knows our relationship, how should we react at work place? totally ignore and take him as only HOD?

In office, he is my HOD. After work, he is my bf. That is weird too?

How am I suppse to be neutral? How am I suppose show my happiness with his promotion when i foresee some problems will happened in future?

Feeling isn't a switch where you can switch to work mode and relationship mode easily.

He doesn't see it as a problem or rather he has a solution on how to handle it?

Who can help me through? Sigh. He doesn't seems to know what I am worrying.

I can't even show my worry on my face in front of him.

Life, because of ego, its hard sometimes.


最不想发生的还是会发生。
人真的矛盾。
太执着于一些事情到最后伤心,累的, 心痛的还是自己。
我也不明白为什么我那么不想去接受他成为我的上司。
因为会有争执;因为会心理不平衡;因为会公私不分?
因为我嫉妒?

我也知道,即使我再不开心,即使我再不愿意, 我还是得接受。
现在的我,是有着两种心情去。
为他开心, 为自己伤心。
现在的我,是有着两面。
表面开心,心底心痛。

有如我一位朋友说的,你爱他,你不想失去他,你就要去接受事实。

为什么要这样的折磨我? 为什么要让我觉得委屈?

为什么是我去配合他?为什么任何事情都是我?







Sunday, March 16, 2014

我讨厌你可是我是爱你的

心里总是有吃醋难堪不爽的感觉。
我也不知道为什么。
知道你的工作繁重。知道你这个周末没得休息。
我很想帮你。我很想参与你们的工作。
我反复问你,你都说不需要我帮忙。
是因为真的不用还是另有原因,
是因为有人下令我不能参与,还是我的能力会把事情越帮越忙?

我尝试放下,我尝试不想。
但是很难。
加上课程的成绩。

我讨厌你。
你让我很无奈
你让我很压力
你让我觉得我自己没用
你让我觉得公司你,每个人都看见你而已。

我很讨厌你!!!