Monday, January 19, 2015

Why should i be the one?

how should one be fine and act as normal when it is really hard to pretend?

how should the work be continue when one is having difficulty on taking the partner's position?

how should this be continue when thing is getting uneasy?


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Unhealthy

By all means, the day we started, its already an unhealthy thing for a working environment.

As the day we accept each other, I should have know and clearly know changes will come along the years.

I should have prepare myself before it happens.

I should have aware before it happens.

You should have wake up by now, thing will not change anymore and you should be accepting the fact by now.

Friday, January 2, 2015

How should I take it?

I think only here, I am able to write my heart out.
Sometimes it pretty sad when you have so many friends out there but you are not able to open up your hearts to them.
Its even more miserable when you cant spill out to your family members or your loves one as you know what will be their reaction and they will not understand what you are facing.
No one understands you better than yourself.

I am here on 2nd day of 2015.
Everyone has been putting up wishing in Facebook, Instagram or though Whatsapp with pictures and hoping everyone has a great year a head.
Of coz I do, how can I not follow the trend?

But, will my 2015 year be a good year?

I am great that my love one got promoted.
The promotion is very important to him for his career, his life and for his family.
He has the responsibility to take care his family.
He is not as fortune as me or anyone else out there where their parents has the capability in earning greater income.
He is not as fortune as me or anyone else out there having a life with no financial worries.
Other than in financial, he moves a big step forward in his career.

Yes, he got promoted to be HOD of solution department in my company.
So, Which department am I? I am in Solution department.
Which mean I will be under him?? -- Well, yes, I'm now working under his leading.

How would you take it if your boyfriend has now becoming your leader/HOD in the department? Can you take it? Can conflicts between relationship and work be clearly separated by a solid line?

Honestly, I could not take it after knowing he will be my HOD.
When I want to apply leave, I go to him, that is weird. Should i inform him before hand or should i only inform him when i hand in my application leave form?

When go through appraisal stage, I will be having an interview with him, that is weird. When your HOD talk to you about your appraisal is when you start bullshitting bit on your next goal and he rate you as per our working performance. How am I going to answer?

When I get my bonus, I collect from him, that is weird. He knows how much I received.

When I got increment in my salary, I get offer letter from him, that is weird. He is going to write my appraisal, how should I take it?

When everyone knows our relationship, how should we react at work place? totally ignore and take him as only HOD?

In office, he is my HOD. After work, he is my bf. That is weird too?

How am I suppse to be neutral? How am I suppose show my happiness with his promotion when i foresee some problems will happened in future?

Feeling isn't a switch where you can switch to work mode and relationship mode easily.

He doesn't see it as a problem or rather he has a solution on how to handle it?

Who can help me through? Sigh. He doesn't seems to know what I am worrying.

I can't even show my worry on my face in front of him.

Life, because of ego, its hard sometimes.


最不想发生的还是会发生。
人真的矛盾。
太执着于一些事情到最后伤心,累的, 心痛的还是自己。
我也不明白为什么我那么不想去接受他成为我的上司。
因为会有争执;因为会心理不平衡;因为会公私不分?
因为我嫉妒?

我也知道,即使我再不开心,即使我再不愿意, 我还是得接受。
现在的我,是有着两种心情去。
为他开心, 为自己伤心。
现在的我,是有着两面。
表面开心,心底心痛。

有如我一位朋友说的,你爱他,你不想失去他,你就要去接受事实。

为什么要这样的折磨我? 为什么要让我觉得委屈?

为什么是我去配合他?为什么任何事情都是我?







Sunday, March 16, 2014

我讨厌你可是我是爱你的

心里总是有吃醋难堪不爽的感觉。
我也不知道为什么。
知道你的工作繁重。知道你这个周末没得休息。
我很想帮你。我很想参与你们的工作。
我反复问你,你都说不需要我帮忙。
是因为真的不用还是另有原因,
是因为有人下令我不能参与,还是我的能力会把事情越帮越忙?

我尝试放下,我尝试不想。
但是很难。
加上课程的成绩。

我讨厌你。
你让我很无奈
你让我很压力
你让我觉得我自己没用
你让我觉得公司你,每个人都看见你而已。

我很讨厌你!!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

人,是难满足的生物。

人类,要如何活才会知足才会不执着。
人类,为什么会心里不平衡。
人类,为什么会嫉妒。
人类,为什么要比较。

一对情侣, 在一起做工,一定会有磨擦, 一定会有不愉快的时候。
是一方面的想法还是双方面的想法?
往往都是比较没有自信的那方面会有这样的情绪。
如何面对?
工作是上司分配的。 他虽然很多工作但上司还是分配给他。
对,这一定是好事,因为这样其他人就可以少点工,管的你是我的什么人啊!
可是,如果他或她是你的伴侣。事情就不一样了。
你会不想对方那么辛苦想帮他。
你会吃醋当你看到他和上司的关系好。
你会有一点点不愉快为什么工作都不配给你。
你会压力当你看他的能力那么强。
你会担心是否你的能力不如他/她。
你们每天都会一起讲谁谁谁的是非。
讲多了,你会担心你是否也是那样的人。
你很想问他,他对你的看法。可是,你不敢。
问不到的时候, 你会总是胡思乱想说你的能力真的那么差吗。
然后,会想要离开。

很矛盾。很无奈。
想说却说不出。 想骂却骂不出。

只好在深夜里独自流泪为自己解压把一堆乱七八糟的想法暂时丢去后脑然后入睡。
唯有每天装着没事的在大家面前。


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

对每个人来说,
那件事,是一件很重要的决定。
而我,为什么每次都是一样做出同一个决定?
决定了我没后悔。
可是心里却总是在意在别人眼里的我。
为什么我不能坚决一点。
为什么我不能放开一点。